EvStories
So this is a page where you can find EvStories (and links to the person it belongs to) from people who were wonderful enough to share them. Please know that none of you are alone in your struggles. Stay strong everyone, I love you all.
EVSTORIES
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I usually don’t do this, but your story really touched me, and I just feel I need to say it. I think your story really shows what they are all about. Or, I would dare to say, what MUSIC is all about.
In my story, Evanescence too was THE BAND. I didn’t have many problems, I was normal 13 year old with normal 13 year old life. But yeah, it was a rough time, when I thought I don’t belong anywhere, and that no one loves me, and so on and so on. The friends I had at that time were not my real friends. I had no strength to walk away, because I felt I’m going to be all alone if I do that. And only when I met Evanescence, I realized my “friends” are not the only people in the world, and that I don’t need them. As soon as I realized that, I met my friends. Real friends. And when I did that, my life completely changed. I still had some problems, of course, but I knew then that I’m not alone. So, Evanescence got me through all my teenage years, and I’m not sure how would I do it without them.
I’m 21 now, and I still love them as much as I loved them before. Maybe even more. And they are still here to get me through the problems. They are always here when they need to be. There are other bands too, but Evanescence was, and always will be special. I’ll never stop being grateful for all that they did, and what they’re still doing. Not only for me, but for millions of people all over the world.
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You story touched me. I know what your going through. I live my life as a foster child in hawaii. My mom is an addict & my dad is a rapist. So i was alone part of my life. no parents, no siblings, no one to turn to. So i turned to Evanescence, i also tried to kill myself. “Lithium” was the very first song i heard from Ev, & i fell in love. I just wanted to share with you, & let you know that your not alone :)
-Koa
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GREAT story! Mine is almost the same but with a different band. Poison - Fallen Angel, “Cause when her ship came in she wasn’t there and It just wouldn’t wait,” I was staring down the barrel of a gun! That one line is why I’m here. I was 16. I will be 37 next month. And there has been a lot that I’ve done that I would have missed. With my depression, split family, death of my dad and on and on, Ev takes me on my emotional roller coaster!
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Okay, here’s my Ev story: About four years ago, I spent the weekend at my godmother’s house, and she had the tv turned to MTV, where they were showing a special for hard rock music or something like that. So they played part of the music vid for BMTL, and I thought, “Wow, that looks cool.” so when I got home, I googled, “girl falling from building in song” (or something like that) and after the looooooongest search, I found the video. And that’s where my love for rock music and Evanescence began. :) <3
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Well, I think I’ll share my EvStory.
About one year ago (on Monday it’ll be one year), I was on YouTube, posting my first ever video. It was a fanfiction video, and I needed music to put on it. On audioswap I browsed through the recommended tracks, and I came up to a familiar track. It was a song I used to hear all the time on the radio and loved, that I now know as Bring Me to Life. I was so thrilled because I always loved that song and I finally knew the name of the song and the band. And here I am now, one year later and who knew how much could change in one year with the discovery of a new band. I found music I can’t live without. I discovered who my real friends are. Amy inspired me to sing and play piano, which is my new talent and my way of getting my emotions out. I found strength in Ev’s music to stop letting my mom’s nonstop yelling get to me. I also found strength in their music to help me get over the deaths of all the people who were close to me (RIP Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle P, Gary, Mrs. W, Coco, and Taz <3). Amy and the rest of the band helped me so much this past year. All of their songs from Bring Me to Life to Solitude impacted me in a way I’ll never forget. In my mind Evanescence is no ordinary band. They’re my world and they’re the reason I found my true friends and my real talents. Just Ev alone changed my life in one year, and I now know I’ll never stop loving them no matter what happens <3
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Hey :)
I just thought I too would share my Ev story, or as much as I can recall without feeling too stupid.
I first heard Bring Me To Life on a music channel whilst I was at my grandparent’s house, it caught my attention (at the ripe old age of 11!) and insisted my brother didn’t change the channel. For which he mocked my heavily.
I didn’t buy this first single, but when Going Under came out for some bizarre reason I bought it twice.
My love for Evanescence continued to grow from there. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for this band.
Evanescence helped me through some periods of complete loneliness. I was going through some really hard stuff at home; coping with a Dad in and out of prison who couldn’t make up his mind if I was worth his time or not, and a violent step dad who prohibited me from seeing my half brother and sister. I felt truly isolated, made worse by the fact that my mother always chose some abusive man over me (and she continues to do this day.)
Sorry if that’s TMI, I’ve tried condensing it down as much as possible! Anyway, I never heard anybody to talk to, because all of the stuff I was dealing with seemed to even shock adults that I had once attempted to seek help from. In the space of a couple of years I’d lost an entire half of my family, through reasons that I had no control over. I felt isolated from my friends who could go around their normal teenage business, whilst I went home to sort out whatever had gone on that day.
Evanescence came to me at a time when nobody else would. I would always be up until 4am, with so many worries rushing through my mind, and it would have driven me insane if I did not have Evanescence to keep me company through those slow and silent hours. Each song reminded me that the way I was feeling wasn’t uncalled for, and that I wasn’t alone in feeling such things.
More importantly, it gave me something to be passionate about. I had all but given up hope, and I need something >anything< to cling on to. My love of Evanescence provided that for me.
I remember one night in particular (and I may regret sharing this, as it’s not something I speak of proudly) I had felt lower than I knew how to cope with. I began to attempt to overdose, perhaps in a silly teenage and half-hearted way, but the actions were still there. All the while, I had ‘My Immortal’ on repeat. It was only as I began to feel nauseous, as my body was telling me no more, that I realized I would never get to hear this song again. I think that troubled me more than what had previously been troubling me, because I stopped swallowing the pills. I stayed up all night praying for morning to come.
Evanescence played out until the sun had risen, and I was so grateful to still be here. It hit me that I couldn’t give in whilst I still had something worth living for,no matter how trivial it may have seemed to other people, it was what saved me.
I met my closest friend through our love of Evanescence, and 6 years after we met I am currently in the spare bedroom of her house as I have to come stay for a few days, as I often do.
It’s been 8 years since I first fell in love with Evanescence, and whilst I may not rely on them as heavily as I once did (purely because I’ve done a little something calling growing up and moving on) I love their music the same as I did back then. They will never lose the place they have in my heart.
It is insane how one band can have such a profound effect on one person. Even more so that so many others will be able to tell a similar story to my own.
Sorry for rambling, and thanks for reading!! :)
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I was always the awkward, heavy set, nerdy, no friends girl in a Catholic School of an average of 15 per class. I had been made fun of, mocked, abused, taunted, etc. It was about 6th grade when I finally reached the breaking point. A former friend, who later caused me to go into severe chronic depression, showed me Call Me When You’re Sober. I fell in love with her voice. Since that day I went to the record store and bought Fallen, Anywhere but Home, and The Open Door. A week later… I tried to jump off my 3 story house. I was on the roof when My Immortal started playing. I broke down crying and finally came back inside within an hour. After that I decided I was going to live my life based on how I want to live, not how other people tell me to. Evanescence saved me and helped me to see who I really was. I love Amy Lee and Evanescence and I’m forever loyal. I know it’s kinda short but… I’d like to leave out most of the details.
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My Ev Story
I’m pretty sure I’ve told you before, but I’ve spent the last hour thinking about it after reading yours. So here goes.
I was introduced to Evanescence when I was 13 years old. I was a regular preteen starting her first year in high school. I had a group of friends, and life was you can say, good. But as grade 8 progressed, things weren’t so great. I started having trouble in two subjects and even though I worked my butt off I still ended up with crappy marks. I continued to work hard at it anyways. Then a good friend of mine (we’re still friends actually) would bring her CD player to class and she had Fallen playing. We would listen to it while studying because I had a free block since I had band at 7:30am. I loved them from then on.
Things started to go downhill with friends going their own way. But life was still okay. That summer though my mom and I were in a really bad argument, and I had no one to turn to. So I locked myself in my room, which I shared with my sibling, and blasted Evanescence on my CD player. Fallen was actually the first CD I ever bought in my life! Proud to say!
Anyways, years went by and that would be the routine. I became obsessed and my obsession grew with my cousin who loves ev as well!
Then in grade 10, they really had a meaning for me. I started to feel depressed from another argument with my mom that summer and entering grade 10 is hard. I almost failed math, which did depress me more. I started to listen to Ev more and more. It was probably 90% of what I listened to. That summer before entering grade 11, we moved. I lost a ton of friendships and I was alone in my new school. I had no one and everyone had pretty much established their own group. I don’t mind being alone, I like it actually. But this was a type of loneliness that stemmed from the depression I felt. I spent half of that year sitting at my locker by myself. I would bring my mp3 player and listened to Ev. Listening to Fallen always made me feel better because it felt like someone actually knew how I felt.
Anyways, grade 11 went by and I eventually made friends, and grade 12 went alright, academically. But emotionally, I was a mess. I went deeper and deeper into depression. My mom and I had more arguments, I felt crappy all of the time, friend problems, and the stress of graduating year. The only thing that made it all better was listening to Evanescence. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night listening to Imaginary, and Lithium. Imaginary is my all time favourite song, so it means a lot to me.
I graduated, and I was relieved to have ended high school. I went into my first year. I was hopeful and ready to move on. Unfortunately, then I started to have an abundance of friend problems. I was betrayed, lied to and I didn’t do anything about it. I spent most of the time alone, listening to Evanescence.
In second year, things hit rock bottom. My best friend walked out on me, my so called friends ignored me, I lost my friendship with my childhood friend because of family problems with my godmother. I was literally left alone to deal with the hurt and with the stress of all this. One night I hit rock bottom and I scrummaged through my closet and found a bottle of pain killers for menstrual pain. I contemplated just taking a bunch of them. It was like 2 or 3 am and everyone was asleep. I was listening to music on my computer and I had been listening to Lacuna Coil. I picked up the bottle and I was about to open it when I heard the beginning of My Immortal by Evanescence. I literally burst into tears, and I dropped the bottle. I started to cry and cry until I couldn’t anymore. I prayed that night asking God to give me strength. I thought about it and I knew it wasn’t the solution, and just listening to Amy’s voice calmed me down. (this is why I say Religion and Evanescence saved my life) I put the pills back, and fell asleep.
Now in the present, things have gone downhill again. Badly. I’ve lost all of my close friends, but I met my best friend. She’s always encouraging me and always making me feel better. I’m thankful she’s in my life. But I always remember that I can get through this. I can do this. I still listen to Evanescence when I’m feeling really depressed and I feel like I can transcend my pain onto the lyrics and in the end I do feel better.
I never stopped listening to them, and to me they are my favourite band and will always be. :)
That was a bit long, sorry about that!
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I don’t have much of an evanescence story, I don’t think…
I first heard Bring Me To Life when I was being driven to school in the fourth grade by my dad. He was talking about how he heard the song on TV before a boxing match and he loved Amy’s voice so much. From that one car ride, I was hooked.
Every morning, he played whatever song from fallen I wanted. Every afternoon I listened to them on my walkman on the school bus home. Every night i did all my homework studied with Fallen as my background music.
When my dad left, I swore to myself up and down that I didn’t care… I believed my lie for years and years. It was only until just recently I realized evanescence means so much to me because it was father that… gave them to me. How a parent will pass something along to their children for them to remember them by, my father gave me Evanescence.
He actually gave me more than just Evanescence to be honest. He gave me so much more without knowing. All the music I listen to now stems from the fact that evanescence was my first band. Without Ev… i don’t know how I’d feel about music… would it be as important to me as it is now? Would it mean as much? I don’t know… and it’s a scary thought…
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I don’t really have that good of an EvStory but I wanted to share. I found Evanescence during a really hard time in my life. I was in junior high and felt alone in every sense of the word. I had one friend (who it turns out was spreading things about me behind my back) and anyone who didn’t treat me like shit ignored me completely. Thinking back I still don’t have the slightest idea why. My family was going through a pretty deep financial crisis so I didn’t want to bother them with my problems. To be honest I was pretty close to suicide.
I guess it wasn’t just Evanescence. My Chemical Romance played a big role too but since this is an Ev blog I’ll just talk about their part in it. The first time I heard them I was just poking around the internet and I found the music video for Bring Me To Life. The music and lyrics really spoke to me and I fell in love with Evanescence. I started looking up more by them and they became a part of my life. Being able to find music I could relate to with a very amazing and supportive fanbase really helped me through that time of depression. It was another Ev fan that talked me out of suicide.
Evanescence means so much to me. This was probably a pointless message but I felt the need to share. <3
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Hello, I don’t post a lot on tumblr but when I read your EvStory and others I started to cry and I wanted to share mine
I found Evanescence at only 9 almost 10 a time when I was just alone, I only grow up with my dad and he worked a lot so I was alone a lot, and in 4th grade I moved schools so I was further alone even though I was trying to make new friends they thought I was weird and no one, and I mean NO one would be nice to me, which is just hell for a young child believe me… around the time DareDevil came out my dad had time off so he took me to see the movie and the part where Bring Me To Life just me shocked because I as I listened to the clip of the song they had in the movie, it felt like Amy was singing for me (thats sounds weird but that’s how I felt) so as we driving home I kept bothering him if he knew the song or the band and he did not, so as soon as possible I search “Wake Me Up” because thats what I could remember from the song in the movie, and I found the song on yahoo I think and I was in LOVE! and I knew the name of the band that understood me. So any chance I had I would search them and listen to any song I could find (no idea of the term download back then) and I got Fallen and a CD player as present and I would always carry with me just listening to album over and over again, because to me Amy understood me, made me feel less lonely, and watching her in interviews she was also the weird kid and I dunno made feel less alone in my little world, and I grew up I continued to listen to Evanescence and I’m in a much happier place then I was as a kid… Not sure what type of person I would be without Evanescence and Amy, not sure if I would ever made it without her music. Now I am just myself and surround myself with people that understand me, and help each other and they like Evanescence too :) “It’s OK to laugh at me, I only look scary.” is me now.
Sorry if it was rambly… <3
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I thought I would share my EvStory since everyone else has been sharing and they’re absolutely wonderful. Evanescence has helped me through so much in my life. Being born three months premature, I’ve been in and out of hospitals for what seems to be a majority of my twenty-three-years of living. I have plenty of things that Evanescence has helped me through, a big one being piano. I’ve never had full use of my left hand due to my being born with a mild case of Cerebral Palsy, and once I found Ev, I really wanted to be able to play. I can recall taking hold of my hand, and unbending my fingers when they would cramp up trying to chord, and just placing them on the keys. Eventually it got to the point where I was able to play parts of songs like My Immortal and Lithium and my hand was doing so much better. It has even helped me to learn other instruments such as guitar and Ukulele. Another big thing of course, was Open-Heart surgery I had about three years ago, now. I recall being upset because I would listen to my iPod and couldn’t sing along with Amy, (as I didn’t have the breath yet, and my heart was still healing). It was like a test for me, one more word eventually became one more line, one more verse, and one more chorus. Eventually I was able to sing through songs and feel okay, feel okay because the music that had helped my heart heal in all of those metaphorical ways was helping it heal literally. I love this band so much. There is so much joy in my heart that they have brought me, and I could never thank them enough.
- tarotblades
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I first heard Evanescence when I was in 5th grade. My sister had just moved back in with us because she and her husband separated, and her room was right next to mine (it’s my room now moo-ha-ha). I always spent time in her room because I was a rascal. One day, she was listening to some music that piqued my interest (I do believe it was Bring Me to Life). I thought the artist was a goddess because her voice was so perfect. So, I inquired, to my sister, about it and she said it was Evanescence. That was the beginning. when she’d leave and go out and party or whatever, I’d sneak in her room and nab that CD and play it over and over and over again. Until I had every single word memorized.
After the initial “OMGZZ I LOVE THIS BAND” wave settled down, they still stuck with me. The music had substance. It had heart. Amy poured her soul into these songs, and even from a young age, I could feel it. From then on, I aspired to be like that. Sing as though it’d kill me not to. Feel every word, line, verse, chorus to the bone so that other people will feel it to. I soon after began to see Amy as a role model, and I didn’t even know why (beyond her singing chops).
I was born with a gift, as my mom calls it, meaning that I’m a competent singer. So, when I’d go out and sing Bring Me to Life or My Immortal, people would tell me that I sounded like her. I had potential to be great. It really pushed me forward in pursuing singing. Being compared to your role model of music, it was a huge hit to me and I strived to be the best I could.
So, when I heard that Evanescence was releasing a new (at the time) album, I was all over that. Between Fallen and The Open Door, I had learned of Amy Lee’s backstory. How she was abused and depressed and all that. I revisited Fallen and it shed a whole new light on the music. She really was an inspiration. So when things got really bad in my family, I turned to Evanescence. Singing and feeling and loving their music is what got me through the hardest times. I even have Evanescence lyrics written on my door from middle school (when I was a deviant vandal), and to this day they remind me of how much Evanescence means to me.
So, when their new album gets released, I’ll be all over it ;)
-agentsarahwalker
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My story isn’t as Ev based as others, but the band has been there through it all nonetheless: I grew up in a poor family in a very small rural town. All of the families there were rich farming families. Everyone knew everyone, half of them were related somehow, and they all had MONEY! It was rare that any of them were seen wearing the same outfit twice, they all had the latest gadgets, etc. I came from a big family, so all of my clothes were hand-me-downs from my older sister, or from second-hand stores. I didn’t have anything new, unless my step-mom happened to find it on sale at Walmart. That was the closest thing I had to clothes that were in style. My older sister was a lot taller and bigger than me (not fat, just built bigger. I’m very petite.), so it was sometimes several years before I fit into her clothes. I remember in 7th grade I had a pair of Little Mermaid velcro tennis shoes. I grew up with my dad, so on top of all of that, I was a tomboy. I rarely saw my mom, and at this point in my life, she was still buying me Barbies for my birthday, because she didn’t see me enough to know that I was growing up. Me and my step-mom hated each other, so basically, I grew up without a mother - without that female influence. All I knew to do with my frizzy curly hair was pull it back into a ponytail. So yeah, you get the idea. Basically, I was not popular.
One thing me and my dad really shared was our love for music. I grew up on 90’s alternative and 70’s/80’s metal. This was another thing that made me different from the rest of the town. I didn’t know one country song, and I didn’t care for the pop music. One day, a girl moved to town who change my life. She bounced from foster family to foster family, so her personality was very different. She was very kind and accepting, but at the same time, she liked what she liked, and she didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of it. She single-handedly changed my life. She helped me realize that I could be much more than that small town. She asked me what I listened to…she listed off her favorite bands: Good Charlotte, AFI, etc. I had never heard of any of those bands. So the next day she gave me a CD of hers. It was Fallen. I had already known Bring Me to Life from seeing Dare Devil, but we couldn’t afford the internet yet, so I didn’t know who or what it was. I had never really had the chance to research it. About a month later, my friend came to school really late one day. I saw her and her mom between classes in the hallway. They were walking to the office with all her books and stuff. She gave me a folded note and put her head down and walked away.
This note basically told me that, her mom had tried again to raise her, but couldn’t handle it. She was leaving again to a different foster family, and her mom was moving again. She didn’t know where her mom was going, or where she was going. That was the last time I saw her. In just a few short weeks, this girl had changed my life. She was the only thing I had ever had close to a friend. And she was gone. I was once again alone, and crushed. As the years went on, I saw all my classmates dating, and heard as they told their hilarious stories about what they did on the weekends, and the loneliness was really eating at me. One night, I was sitting alone in my room crying and I found a safety pin. To this day, I still don’t know what urged me to do it, but I unpinned it, and took a deep hard swipe across my ankle. Somehow, that release seemed perfect. This was the beginning of a very long cutting addiction.
As I got into high school (2005), I did find a few other outcasts to talk to and hang out with. A few of us became really close. The weirdest part was, they were all male. I still to this day get along better with guys. The problem was, I am female, so an issue was bound to come up somewhere. One night, we were all hanging out at the gas station in town, when the cute one asked to drive me home. Of course, I was absolutely excited about this, because previously, I had never had any positive attention from a guy before. This guy though, was a senior, while I was a freshman. He took me home, and we went into my garage. He locked the door and sat me down, and we started making-out, and he started getting handsy. I didn’t know what to do. I was really excited, but at the same time, I was scared to death. This was all waay too fast. I told him to stop. I wasn’t ready for that. He continued to try and kiss me for awhile until the rest of the guys showed up.
We talked in secret for a few days, and he asked me and my dad if he could take me over to the next town to get ice cream (because our town was too small to have anything like that). So we got in his car, and started the drive. About 5 minutes out of town, he pulled into a small dirt road between a tree line and a corn field. We started kissing again. Then he said,”This is kind of uncomfortable, want to get in the backseat?” So, of course, I did. But I’m sure you know what this led to. Young, naive me…I didn’t see it coming. Next thing I knew, I was on my back. Of course, I was wearing a skirt! So, this lead to him taking his pants off. I told him I didn’t want to do that. He said, “No we won’t. It’s just this.” And we started kissing again with him on top of me. He kept trying to have sex with me, but I kept telling him no. But, he was bigger than me, and next thing I know, he is holding me down and doing whatever he wanted to me against my will. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. We never went to get ice cream.
This went on for about 6 months. He would tell my dad he had a nice date planned for us, and my dad would look at me smiling and say, “Have fun.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone what was really happening. I was too scared. So I would go with him, and he would have his way with me. He did this all summer. I was trapped, and scared, and the cutting got worse.
Luckily for me though, he was moving 2 hours away for college in August. I would finally be free. I was counting down the days for him to leave. He finally did. And after I was released from that life of faking to be in a happy relationship for my friends and family, I hit rock bottom. I felt so stupid. I HATED myself. I couldn’t believe I had let that happen to me. I felt worthless and alone. I couldn’t tell anyone about it. This went on for years. I tried to have normal relationships, and to fight the cutting, but it was hard. I struggled for a very long time. And the Open Door leaked very soon after this. It became my life. By now, I had discovered all the online Ev communities, and they consumed me. They were my escape from the world. They were where I felt accepted and understood.
Then in 2007, I saw Evanescence perform live. I noticed a lot of the crew were wearing these hoodies and t-shirts. Even the bass player from Sick Puppies had the same name written on her arm. I was like, wow, they are really supportive of this band! So the next day I decided to check them out. I Googled “To Write Love on Her Arms” and I was SHOCKED at what I found. This was when my life started to change.
These last few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about my life. I am currently going through a break-up. Usually when that happens, I get super dependent and freak out, and get bad into cutting again. I sent texts like, “I can’t imagine a life without you. Without your love, I don’t want to live.” etc. I get all depressed and suicidal.
Well this time around: I’m two weeks into a break up, and I am planning to relocate to live with family 3000 miles away. I realized that, this time, instead of saying “without you, I can’t live” I said “without you, I can’t live HERE” I am truly in a better place. I haven’t ONCE considered cutting or suicide this time around. And this also when the new Ev material is about to come out. I am so ready. I am so excited. I can’t wait for Amy to take me on another emotional journey into a new chapter of my life.
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Hi. I saw everyone’s EvStories, and I wanted to share mine. It’s kind of depressing.
The first time I heard Ev, I was 11. My cousin had given me her mp3 player and she had some Evanescence on it. I really liked Everybody’s Fool and My Immortal, but didn’t really pay attention to any of the other songs.
A few months passed, and I stopped listening to them.
I was 12 when I was re-introduced to them.
It was that point in my life when everything seemed to get worse by the minute.
My parents got divorced and my dad moved out of state. He stopped paying child support, and my mom was practically broke. We couldn’t afford anything.
I remember coming home from school to my mom in tears because she couldn’t afford the house. We moved in with my grandparents for a short period of time.
That year, I was a mess.
I had practically no friends and was bullied at school. My mom lost her job. It was usually just me and her alone for the most part, because my grandparents had jobs.
My mom was depressed, so I was left to deal with everything on my own.
I started cutting and planned to kill myself.
One night, I waited until everyone was asleep and went into the bathroom with a box that had my letters and all my things I wanted to give away.
My mp3 player was in that box.
I went in the medicine cabinet and took a handful of my mother’s pills out.
I remember that I was scared to take them at first. I took my mp3 player out of the box because I wanted to listen to some music before I took them.
The Only One came on immediately. I was creeped out by the duck noise, but I actually listened to the whole thing.
The moment it ended, I burst into tears.
That song really spoke to me. I felt as if Amy understood the situation I was in and was talking to me.
I sat on the edge of the bathtub with a handfull of pills crying my eyes out for a good hour or two.
I put back the pills and threw out the notes.
I got Fallen, The Open Door, and Anywhere But Home For Christmas that year.
Obviously, I didn’t go through with the suicide plan. All because of that song.
Things got a little better. We got a house and I made friends.
My life still has it’s ups and downs. I still cut (something I’m not proud of) and think of suicide often. My dad never moved closer, either. But I’m doing okay.
Its amazing how one band can save someone’s life. How one song can stop someone from taking their life.
I’m a die-hard fan now. Amy is like the older sister I never had. The Only One is still my favorite song.
Evanescence is actually the only thing keeping me alive right now.
As silly as it sounds, everytime I think there’s nothing left to live for, I think about how I would never get to see them live or hear new songs
They changed my life and I will never stop loving them for that.
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Okay, so this is my EvStory:
I got into Evanescence back in 2003 or 2004 (I can’t honestly remember which, other than it was around the release of Fallen) when I was watching VH1 one morning before school for the music videos and My Immortal premiered. I was immediately enthralled in the song, let alone the beauty of the woman singing it. The song brought me to tears, too, and for some reason her voice sounded familiar to me (later I found out that I had heard Bring Me to Life a few times on the radio prior to this sng). Anyway, never before had a song touched me like this one had, and soon it became my favorite song on the airwaves.
I’d sto whatever I was doing when I heard it come on the radio and I would sit there and listen to it, and many a time I cried to this song. Well it was then that I decided I NEEDED Evanescence’s album. At the time I had a paper route (I’m nineteen now, so this was like when I was 11 or 12), and I took my collection money and had Mom take me to Walmart and I got that album. I listened to it all the time.
Now something you need to understand was that I was not a stable kid around this time. I had just started to realize that I wasn’t like the other kids in school. I wasn’t normal. This was me realizing I was gay, and freaking out on the fact. Kids in my school were horrible. Everything they had ever said regarding homosexuality was how it was disgusting, how they’d beat any gay kid they met to within an inch of his or her life. Faggot was a word that was tossed around frequently. I had no one to confide this newly learned fact to because I was scared that if I revealed me for who I really was, I would be hurt severely. I’m sure many are thinking “You could have gone to your parents”, but for those of us who’ve had this issue with coming to terms with our sexuality, you know that that’s not the easiest thing to do. What if they don’t accept me? What if they boot me out? What if they don’t want me anymore? All questions that haunted me, and this is why I kept this all bottled up inside.
And believe it or not, it was around this time that my depression began to set in. I was terrified of who I was, terrified of the other kids, terrified of everything. I didn’t have anyone at the time that I could truly call a friend. I had acquaintances, but for the most part other kids thought I was weird. There was so many times that I was so frightened of my sexuality that I came close to killing myself. I had massive anxiety (which still hasn’t changed any), and that didn’t help matters any. I was a wreck, and I was confused and I was scared.
Well I went out, and I bought Fallen and I listened and listened and listened. I loved this album. However, when I first got it I hadn’t really paid attention to any meaning in the songs. I just loved the sound and how calming it was for me. If I were starting to freak out, I would play the CD and get lost in the sound, which calmed me down. So even then, when I hadn’t fully realized how much I loved this band, it helped.
Then one night, I had the worst night I think I’d ever had at the time. The details of what had gone on that day were fuzzy, but I was freaking out bad. I had this knife that I had won at a fair, and I was so close to using it. I think I might not’ve lived past that night if I hadn’t decided to put in Evanescence and listen to them. That’s when the words started to hit me, was that night. The song that stopped me in my tracks was Tourniquet. That song… it hit me hard. Especially the line “I’m dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?” For some reason that line and that song spoke to me. It was like I had found someone who knew what it felt like to feel alone and lost, feel like an outcast. Amy even has a quote where she says that what people want when they’re alone is scared is not people telling them that things are going to get better, but rather someone who knows what they’re going through. Someone they can relate to. And that’s a very true statement. And it’s what saved me that night.
Ever since I’ve been dedicated to this band. They help me in my worst times. It wasn’t until many years later that I actually did come out, but everytime I started to waver in life, in time that I was scared or frightened or really down, I listened to Evanescence and it was like I was getting better again. Then The Open Door came out, and I had more of the band I loved, added to all the older Evanescence I had found from before Fallen. They saved me, and they continue to do so. I seriously started crying the minute I found out that they were really doing another album after being gone for five long years. No band has ever meant to me what Evanescence does right now.
I’m crying as I type this out right now from all these memories. I’ve never shared this story before, but only because I’d never met people who would understand. They always say “Oh it’s just a band.” And I’d like to tell them why I have Amy tattooed to my arm, other than “It’s my favorite band.” But they wouldn’t understand, you know? “Oh it’s just a band.” That’s a line that gets me because they’re not. They saved my life, and I honestly don’t believe that I’d be here today if it wasn’t for them. I’m sharing this now ‘cause I finally found people who do understand this. So thank you for reading. <3
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Reading everyones Ev stories inspired me to share mine. :)
So I’m only 13 now but I was 10 when Ev saved my life. I had been sick for about a month, losing pounds a week, drinking 20 bottles of water a day than throwing it all up. I was misserable, losing my mind. My mom took me to the doctor the next day and I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I will never forget that moment when I looked at my mom and said “Mommy, I don’t want to die…”
It was about 6 months later that my dad died. Him and my mom had been seperated all my life but I still felt a connection to him. I didn’t get to go to his funeral.
Another 2 or 3 months later my mom was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclurosis) She was in a lot of pain and was even going to lose her mobility. She has fought hard and is still mobile.
After all this I couldn’t take it anymore. My life was miserable and lonely. So I was planning to hang myself that night. I had the my old iPod playing in the background so no one would bother me. It was at that moment, literally as I was tying a noose, The Only One came on and I stopped…I played the song again and cried until I passed out. I woke up the next morning with a whole new perspective on life.
My life still hangs by a string, and that string is Evanescence. <3
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I guess this is my Evstory.
Hey it’s Jessica from the Nashville show, I was reading some Ev stories and figured I should share mine…
I had a step mother- an evil tyrannical sort of woman who had control over every aspect of my life for as long as I could remember. My real mom abandoned me and my brother, left us to die at a gas station so my step mother was the only maternal figure I’ve ever had in my life. She never showed us love or any sort of affection but rather, chose to abuse and punish me and my autistic brother every time my father wasn’t looking. If I laughed too loud or said the word “stupid,” any minuscule thing like that- she would hit me, grab me by the hair or slap me in the face. I guess she was frustrated because my dad couldn’t seem to hold down a job with his drug dependency and money was scarce. Guess it wasn’t the life she envisioned for her and her two biological daughters when she immigrated from Mexico.
School was my reprieve, but those eight hours a day were very bitter sweet. I was picked on on an hourly basis people would throw pennies at me and put gum in my hair. They would but dirty gym socks in my locker and call me names because I was different and because I was poor. I was dramatic, loud and thoroughly misunderstood but I only acted out because I couldn’t express my feelings or tell people what I was going through at home.
Eventually, I got my hands on an “old fashioned” portable CD player and my friend burned me some of her CD’s including Fallen. I remember one day I was taking refuge in the last stall of the girls bathroom when I decided to check it out. I sat there and listened to the whole thing all the way through, I hadn’t heard the bell ring and I ended up missing the buss and I knew I was would be in trouble but I didn’t care. That CD was like a friend who understood all of the hurt and pain in my life and let me know I wasn’t alone anymore.
My dad died of an overdose shortly after that, which left me and my brother orphaned with no one to take care of us but our horrible step-mother. The less money we had, the worse our living conditions and the abuse became. We slept on the floor with dirty rags, the thin metal walls of our trailer barely kept us warm in the winter. It became my responsibility to clean the house and wash the dishes, I also had to look after my brother and do anything and everything that was asked by me by my step mother. Once she caught me crying and asked me what I wanted, “to die” I replied with tears in my eyes. She laughed coldly and said “kill yourself, when you can afford your own funeral.”
I tolerated that kind of abuse for a year, until one day I realized I’d had enough. I had to do something, if not for me then for my brother who couldn’t speak for himself. Going under was the song that inspired me to reach out and tell someone about the way this woman was treating my brother and me. The lines “I wont be broken again. I’ve got to breathe, I can’t keep going under…” were ringing in my head as I told the social worker about what was going on at home. They didn’t believe me at first but eventually, we didn’t ever have to go back or see our step mother ever again.
Several years and several foster homes later here I am. I just got back from my first Ev. concert and I’m about to start my sophomore year of college in a few days. I’m pretty happy with my life at the moment but I couldn’t imagine where my brother and I would be today if it wasn’t for Amy and Ben and that little CD called Fallen. Because of Evanescence I found the strength to save my brother and I and I will always be a loyal dedicated (slightly obsessed) fan until the very end.
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So Evanescence did get me through a lot but its nothing tooo serious only like one part but here goes.
So when i was about 5 i was in my room and i heard my sister playing My immortal, instantly when i heard that song i was like inlove and so i asked her who saang it and such and she told me a band Evanescence (now i was 5 so i did not really pay mind to them) but then about when i was 7 i started searching them up taking their music and putting it on my mp3 and i would constantly listened to them cause they were amazing.
Everyone in my elementry was like inlove with Nelly, or stuff like that but not me i loved Evanescence and i was acutally believe it or not at 7 years old paying mind to their lyrics. I LOVED the meaning behind them and it was juist amazing in what amy wrote. Anyways.
In grade 5 when i was about 10 or 11 years old 2007 or 2008 i was diagnosed with a disease called Lupus. It was honestly so rough, i had fatal kidney problems, i could not get out of bed due to how tired i was. I wasnt eating or anything because i was just too sick to care. And so i was hospitilized, when they said i had lupus they said i might not make it through.. so i thought okay this is it, this is my dying time.
When i was lying in my hospital bed at night, i would listen to the radio and such but then i looked through my mp3 and saw Evanescence, instantly i lit up because i rememebered that their music was actually so touching!
So i played their song Imaginary… omg when it blaired through my ears it was like heaven. I was listening to the song and just enjoying everything and thinking “its not so bad dying.. i’m gonna just enjoy it while i can” now keep in mind that i was in the hospital bed for atleast 3 months and lupus was a new disease so they did not know how to treat it at all. Anyways, the next week the doctors came in and they said they found treatment for lupus ! And that whole past week i was listening to evaenscence with a smile on my face, happy. Sick and happy.
When they told me they had treatment for it, me and my family were bewildered, happy and thankful that God had returned our prayers. The treatment was chemo though so it caused me to lose my hair and that meant id have to come in every month and take chemo for atleast a week. it was painful i will not lie.
Anyways when i got back to school i was harrassed verbally, by everyone because i was on steroids cause that stablized my disease. Everyone except one my bestest friend harrassed me calling me fat, chipmunk, ugly or beastly.. Grade 5 was hard and cruel and slow. So eventually all this lead me to cutting and depression.. I’d go home crying and cut and wish that i could have just died when i had the chance.
Then i went home put my mp3 in and put shuffle on then Everybody’s fool came on ?! The lyrics were so true, exactly hlow i felt and then i believed that i’d get through this because it was in God’s plan to diagnose me with Lupus and so everyday before i went to school, i’d listen to evanescence songs, then i would play their music afterschool and when i told my bestfriend about them she understood and she too fell in love with them.
They are great, great beats, great rythm, and great lyrics. If it werent for their songs i would not be as smart as i am now, as confident as i am now and as faithful in myself as i am now.
I will not lie though, i still have not stopped cutting. I dont know if i will ever stop but for now i’m trying and i hope one day i get to see them live. I know i have all their albums but i just want to see them live, i dont care what it would take!
About Me
Only for those true fans who will follow Evanescence anywhere and are always ready to obsess over Amy!
Evanescence changed the world of rock, saved my life, and has changed/saved the lives of millions of people all over the world. All thanks to Mrs. Amy Lynn Lee Hartzler. This blog is dedicated to appreciating her talent and beauty as well as to keeping all followers updated on info about the band and the new album.
So here's to Amy Lee, our Snow White Queen, and to Evanescence... the band that will forever be our world.
DISCLAIMER: I do not claim the photos, videos, or songs posted on this blog unless otherwise stated! They belong to the band, original creators, and original photographers. If you have an issue with anything posted, please feel free to say so in my ask box. :)
